Conversations With Larry Blankenship, CEO and founder of Digital Dog Inc.

So it would appear that your company is going to hell in a handbasket as of late. How do you explain that?

I'm sorry? I thought this was a formal interview for my website...kinda like the 1st one that's online now. Of course I WROTE IT MYSELF, but that's beside the point. What on Earth are you talking about?!?

Well, after rotating in over 18 employees in the last year (and promptly having them leave or fired), it would be safe to assume this is not exactly a "stable" working environment. Do you agree?

I suppose not. I mean....look, I'm pretty much a fucking idiot for the most part. I obviously have Schizophrenia and suffer from severe Bi-Polar disorders. I'm happy as a fuckin lark one second then screaming at the receptionist for something silly the next. I honestly don't know what my problem is.  I also think I'm REALLY FUNNY. I think sometimes I'm funny. I dunno....am I funny?

Well, there's an obvious distiction between funny and just fuckin' crazy Larry. Let's move on. How do you feel the web has changed the last 3 or 4 years?

Hell, I don't know. I really don't keep up with that shit. I'm old school man. I still pronounce "GIF" like "JIF"....ya know....like the peanut butter. And I'm still a fan of the animated "JIF". I wish we could animate "JPGs". I'm sure we could wow some people with that technology. I think the market is moving to a more client centric atmosphere with turnkey solutions.

Do you even know what that means?

Not really. But I LOVE saying "turnkey solution". It sounds awesome. I also like to encourage my employees to be "pro-active". I think that means to "figure out things on their own", but the way I micro-manage things....well, good luck with that shit. hahahahaha.

Can you explain your drastic turnover rate? Do you think there could possibly be a connection to your controversal management style?

Well, as I stated previously.....I'm fuckin' crazy. Obviously that's gonna cause some problems when you're working with sane people. I think people should understand that. Well, crazy people should. I don't really do meetings, per say, to address production problems. I let the Project Managers do that. Then I like to barge in when they are way into developement and raise a little hell. Make 'em change shit just for the hell of it. Ya know what I mean? Keeps 'em on their toes....and it also makes me look like I know what I'm doing. That's key. You may not know shit but as long as you can trick people, you're gold. I like to trick clients as well. Hell, most of them don't even know how to pronounce GIF, so I should be ok.

So how important is your developers? Do you go out of your way to get the best people available?

Absolutely man. I actually have to hire a LOT of developers from out of town. After all....my name is pretty much dirt in the web community around here, so I have to. I don't really like to burn bridges. I prefer to drop fuckin' napalm on 'em and make eveyone wonder "Holy shit....what is that guy doing?!?".

People are important. I hired this one guy....Steve, I think it was....anyhow, I moved him all the way from Chicago. He was a machine! He could even draw and paint. A REAL designer who understood astehtics and color theory. I drove him out though. I decided to can his ass in eight months. He got the flu and called in one day and missed a meeting. Stupid fucker. I pay these idiots WELL enough to go get flu-shots. Besides, I had another cat coming in to take his place for almost 17k less a year. You can't beat that shit with a stick. Know what I'm sayin'?

Speaking of money....is it true you're nearly broke?

Well, I don't feel comfortable discussing those sort of things. If you notice around here, I'm very secretive about money in general. I make up a LOT of numbers. I tell people they are worth X amount monthly, then change it all up for 6 months. I also lie like a motherfucker all over my website. Who knows how much we really make? I buy a lot of useless shit for the office....like metal robot dogs and gigantic feeding bowls to put candy in. That eats up a lot of revenue. I also buy a LOT of bottled water for clients. I think that really impresses them. Ya know....75% of the Earth is covered in water. But not BOTTLED water. Think about that.

I digress. Yeah, there's obviously some money problems. I mean....the insurance keeps lapsing or even gets canceled. And hell, I'm even taking money OUT of the employee's checks for that shit. That's probably illegal, but I like to think of myself as a rebel. The IRS is calling. Dell is calling. Toshiba is calling. I owe a LOT of money. I won't even talk about my investors. But rest assured....you have a meeting in our beautiful office, you will get some of the best fuckin' bottled water on the planet. Well, as soon as I hire another receptionist to bring you some. They keep quiting too.

There are rumors you have a drinking problem or are addicted to "day-trading"? Any merit to this?

I have no idea what you're talking about. Actually, I am quite partched. I'm gonna grab a Corona out of the fridge in the back. You want one?

Um...no.

Oh come on. Don't be shy! I actually had an under-age employee here for a while that I gave beer to while on the clock. I'm a cool cat dude. We have bottled water if you prefer that.

No, I'm quite fine thanks. Anyhow....how about the tools you use to make your websites? How important are they?

Very! We use all the latest and greatest stuff around here. Granted, most of it's pirated. I mean....software is really expensive. You gotta ask yourself a few questions when you run a company my friend: Do I actually buy enough MSDN subscriptions to go around and all the new software needed....or do I buy bottled water for clients? I think the answer is painfully obvious. Hell, I don't even know if I have legal versions of Windows. I just take these machines home and install Windows on top of itself for new employees. They bitch and moan about shit not working right, but I provide them a very pro-active and turnkey solution for doing thier jobs. So they can shut their pie-holes. Yeah, it would take ONE phone call to bsa.org and I would probably be having prison sex for the next 10 years....but that's how I roll baby. On the edge.

Well Larry, it's been a pleasure talking to you. In closing, we want to know where you'll be in 10 years. Where will Digital Dog be in a mere decade?

I'm sorry....I'm afraid I have to cut this interview short here. It's 4:30pm on payday and I've waited as long as possible before handing out checks. Besides, I come in at 10 and leave at 4. I'm pulling some serious fuckin' overtime anyhow.